GANGSTA 101
GANGSTA 101
Have you ever wanted to be a gangsta (sometimes called a gangster)? Well, we here at FAKENOOZ did, so we will teach you how in 6 easy steps.
1. First, there is dress. To dress like a gangsta, you must have a band-aid on your face, and one pant leg rolled up. All the other stuff is optional (like the poncho from scrod's, true revolting lifestyle (tm), the tattoo reading "I love HORATIO", the rainbow striped socks, the red nail polish, the blue eyeshadow, the hoop earrings and the ostrich print pink cowboy boots [not shown]) Be creative and true to yourself, but remember that our gangsta is better than yours (darn right)
2. Next, you have to know what a gangsta knows. Go to your local library or bookstore and get as many books as you can about gangstas. Our favourite is "Gangstas In A World Of Spiders" by Myrtle Maroon. If you read it, and want to get some money, review the book and e-mail your review to us @ gangsta-reviews@fakenoozpaper.00go.com and we will enter you in a drawing for $5.
3. Now you have to talk like a gangsta. If you want a detailed description of everything a gangsta would say, buy "Talking Like My Hero" by Stony Wall. But we will give you a few basic tips here. - Say 'baby' a lot. But you must say it the right way. You say it like bay-BEH, except really quickly. Say baby at the end of every sentence if you wanna look tough, baby.
- Talk either really high, really whiny, or both, baby. But NOT high OR whiny when you say baby. Then you have to talk really low.
- When ever you have a word that ends with -tion, say it like cheeeeee-auwn, baby.
- Gangstas also use lots of adjectives that have suffixes added to them that may or may not be proper English, but gangstas don't care.
- Finally, remember to not answer any queschee-auwns, baby, about your personal life. People will try to stalk you to figure out how you got to be so cool.
- Say 'baby' a lot. But you must say it the right way. You say it like bay-BEH, except really quickly. Say baby at the end of every sentence if you wanna look tough, baby.
- Talk either really high, really whiny, or both, baby. But NOT high OR whiny when you say baby. Then you have to talk really low.
- When ever you have a word that ends with -tion, say it like cheeeeee-auwn, baby.
- Gangstas also use lots of adjectives that have suffixes added to them that may or may not be proper English, but gangstas don't care.
- Finally, remember to not answer any queschee-auwns, baby, about your personal life. People will try to stalk you to figure out how you got to be so cool.